A PIG FLIES, OR, SWINE BEFORE PEARLS

The day came when it was time for Artemis to fly to her final destination. Comfortably confined in a large portable dog kennel, she rode in the cabin of the aircraft with me, first to Santa Fe, where we met Ralph, and then on to Los Angeles. During the flight, Ralph explained more to me about his uncle. The man had been a Republican congressman from the district that included Beverly Hills and was now retired. The congressman's seventieth birthday party was being given by some friends at a posh Beverly Hills residence, and Ralph wanted to present Artemis to him in a grand manner, arriving at this party in a limousine. That's just what we did: Ralph, Artemis, and I showed up in a stretch limo to much fanfare and general amusement.

The humans were amused, but Artemis was not. She made her entrance into society alright, but, like me, she didn't like crowds. Just a few minutes into the party, I rescued a very confused Artemis and put her in her kennel in a quiet place outside of the house. As soon as she was back in her familiar, safe kennel, I brought her some hors d'oeurves and salad. She settled down pretty quickly, so I went in to join the festivities, intending to check in on her from time to time during the evening.

The site of this birthday soiree was a very comfortable home in the heart of Beverly Hills. It was well-appointed and tastefully furnished with silk wallcoverings and the largest, most beautiful Chinese rug I had ever seen. The hostess, while exhibiting a tolerant sense of humor regarding Artemis' presence, was understandably nervous with a pig running around loose in her house. She was relieved when I whisked Artemis to safety in her kennel and out of harm's way.

The food and drink at the party were beautifully laid out. A huge buffet took up the entire the dining room, and the bar was on the patio out back near the pool. All the refreshments were handled by caterers dressed in white. The caterers were appalled to see a pig in the house, whether the guests thought it was funny or not. After Artemis was safely removed from the house, they too breathed a sigh of relief and went about their business.

As the evening progressed, the predictably drunk began to make themselves known. One of them was a fellow who turned out to be one of Ralph's nephews. I could tell that even sober he was not a regular rocket scientist. Drunk, he should have been institutionalized. The fellow announced to me that he wanted to let the pig out and join the party. I told him that it was not a good idea. He insisted. I said no. The hostess herself finally accompanied him when he asked again, so, against my better judgement, I let Artemis out. I instructed everyone to just let her explore, and I insisted that picking up the pig was not to be done under any circumstances, except by me.